body image, Confidence, Eating Disorders

Tonight.

It has been over a year since I threw up last. 

But tonight the feelings came very very quickly…kinda out of no where. 

Sure it’s a bit of a weird time here in the world (thank you, Corona virus) and we just got notice that the kids are now out of school for 1 month…ONE SOLID MONTH. (Then summer is RIGHT around the corner)

But I did not think I felt out of control or unusually anxious. 

TBH, I used to binge/purge more around a week or so before the start of my cycle, and esp when my husband was out of the house for a few hours. All of these things maybe mad it the perfect storm tonight and I wanted you all to know that if this is you…it’s ok. You can get through it. Binge. Purge. Both. Neither. I trust that you can do it. I had to physically PAUSE when I realized I was about to make the decision to binge so I could easily purge. And at that moment I gave myself permission to make a decision without judgement of self. I literally thought, “if I do it, it will be ok, but if I don’t, it will be ok too. But to stay on track with recovery and be the best I can for me right now…it’s best to stop the choices that include binging to purge and I literally spit out the food. 

Y’all. That was embarrassing to type. 

I tell you because someone needs to hear it and I’m not sure who. 

If it’s you…this is my virtual nod – “You have got this. You are worth it.” 

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