body image, Confidence, Eating Disorders, Introvert

She Went for a Run

A friend of mine just told me she just finished up a run.

I immediately felt guilt and although I’ve already been to a barre class and walked the dog today, I wanted to do more.

I wanted to go for a run.

Immediately.

runningBut I know that it’s impossible cause my kids are home and it’s a crazy thought. Ok, so maybe not a super crazy thought because I do love a runner’s high, those endorphins would kick in and I’d be ultra motivated for the few hours following a short s30 min run. But…why? There are only so many hours in the day and I have stuff to do. Like work. Like spend time with my kids while they are on Spring Break. Instead, I feel the urge to run and the annoyance that I can’t.

So I will type through this. Pegging the keyboard just as fast as I can to get these thoughts out. Maybe so you know what it feels like, maybe so you, too, can see you’re not alone in these “crazy,” obsessive, or guilty thoughts, or maybe just because this is my therapy.

Here’s what I know: I don’t need to run. Sure, I’d be ok if I did and I’d experience those endorphins and love every minute, but since I can’t, it’s boing to be ok. The calories that I’m not going to burn…well, who knows, but they can wait. They are much less important than working through, sitting with my own obsessions, my own insecurities, and my own issues.

I’ve typed. and now I’m going to sit. Practice learning to sit. And wait, and see what it is that I need to work though, what emotions, I’m trying to control and suppress.

I’m going to sit.

and not run.

I’m not going to move.

and it’s going to be ok.

You will be ok, too.

body image, Confidence, Introvert

We are all broken

It’s true.

I’m broken. You are broken. We, as humans, are all broken.

You may not know it yet. You may not know it about me. You may see a smile on her face, or my face, or a profile on social media that radiates pure joy, but inside, we’re all made of bits and pieces that need to be picked up and put back together.

Here’s what I know and what I want you to know.

I see you.

You’re not alone.

I’m working on picking me up, you’re working on picking you up and I thank you for being here. I thank you for cheering me on. Please know…I’m your biggest cheerleader too. I’m clapping for you.

body image, Confidence, Introvert, Networking

Who am I?

Like I mentioned, I’ve been meaning to blog…well, for a while. First blog written, lots of drafts ready, but first (well, 2nd)…maybe who I am and what I do would give you a better indication of whether or not you want to join me all, some or none of the time here in the blogosphere.

This is me.

Mandy8

I’m Mandy.

  • a wife
  • a mom
  • a daughter
  • a sister
  • a lover and a fighter
  • shy
  • introvert who blossomed into an extroverted introvert
  • a daily exerciser
  • a Registered Dietitian
  • business owner
  • coffee lover (not a connoisseur)
  • wine lover (again, not a connoisseur)
  • Southern gal, with some midwestern influence
  • dreamer
  • procrastinator
  • self-sabotager
  • Number 6 on the Enneagram
  • worrier, worst case scenario thinker
  • changing my world one day at a timer

That’s cool and all, but what will I talk about??

As you can imagine, the easiest things for us to talk about or have thoughts about is the things we know.  I know about a few things, particularly what it takes to blossom into a less awkward, ok-I-mean-happy-with-myself kind of gal. From low self-esteem, low confidence, shy, quiet, rule following, Groundhog-my-days through life place, to the place I am now…it’s been a journey. Sometimes hard. Sometimes not. Definitely not as hard as it could be, but in my mind, worth sharing …even if it’s only with the one person out there who needs it.

But #thisisme

and there is more to come.

Confidence, Introvert

No apology needed

I used to apologize for myself a lot.

Honestly…I still do. #workinprogress

So this is how it will start – I literally hate texting, typing with my thumbs. This blog is a small attempt to be better. It will hopefully inspire you, too, as well. I will provide content…relevant to you? Maybe? Maybe not? But thanks for coming along and no hard feelings if this is as far as you get. #loveyouanyway

I wrote SO much as a kid, teen and young adult. It was my way, the thing I knew how to do. The way I released. But then typing came. Computers? Cool.  Cell phones?! WAIT UP? And things you can hold in your hand and text on?? Digital notes?! WHOOOOAAAAA!

Yeah, Whoa there stallion. That’s when I stopped. Instead of journaling, writing my feelings, I started scrolling. Pictures are pretty. Learning about others in teeny bite size posts was like total ADD for the social world and it was fun, mindless.

But I woke up a few years ago realizing I lost it. I’d lost my mind. I’d lost the use of creativity. (Except for that very brief year or so when I had “blogspot” and wrote about having babies. Well, really just baby #1…cause after that, babies only get the leftovers….that counts, right?)

I woke up. And I had not written in free-flowing form in YEARS. I began trying.  I did the gratitude journal thing, the Five Minute journal thing, then I even started a blog…and did not complete a full post in the first full year of paying for some host site.

But now. If I don’t get these thoughts out…then no one hears them…even me. So if it’s just for me. Cool! I’m good with that. If it’s for me and a few friends, totally cool with that too. Me and a few million friends…then holy hell!

I’ve been so busy “hustling” and “Mom-ing” and “wife-ing” that I forgot to keep dreaming and inspiring myself to make life more. I was made for more and I know it to be true…for me AND for you.

So here. Here it goes. Me, you. Or just me. But either way…I’m getting this stuff out. Maybe it helps one person, maybe someone finds it funny or entertaining, or inspiring or just plain whack. I’m in.